Seven completely unbalanced video games that actually exist

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American Christians are rarely one to let a moment of pop culture pass without finding a way to create their own sanctified version, but that’s easier said than done with video games. Making a good game takes time, money, skill, resources, and – even if you have all of those things – a bit of luck. Make a game not so good? It’s much easier, and this is where most games that have attempted a Christian crossover fall down.

But just because they aren’t good doesn’t mean they aren’t worth playing. The truth is, many of them are so wild they’re definitely worth tracking down, if only to marvel at the ingenuity. Are you ready to dive down the rabbit hole of playing for God? Here is just a small taste of what awaits you.

Eternal War: Shadows of Light

You are Archangel Michael, and you wander the soul of a troubled man named John, struggling with his inner demons with extreme prejudice. Spiritual warfare hasn’t been this literal since This darkness presents.

Catechumen

Catechumen Demo: N'Lightning Software Development: Free Download, Borrow, and Stream: Internet Archive

In Catechumen, you play as a Roman soldier trapped in the Catacombs, on a mission to save your friends from… demons? Luckily you have a laser sword. The lore here is a little convoluted, but it flips over to being a Christian game because of all the demon stuff.

spiritual warfare

Spiritual Warfare (NES, 1992)

spiritual warfare went over the Zelda route, allowing you to browse the collection of biblical artifacts like the armor of God and the jawbone of Samson to fight the wicked. But do not worry. Your attacks here actually turn your enemies into Christians (they fall to their knees in prayer when “defeated”), so defeat as many as you can.

Crossing the Red Sea

Crossing the Red Sea (Atari 2600, 1983)

In the 1980s, Atari dove into the religious video game sphere with this stab in a Moses game. It wasn’t really a success. In fact, fewer than 100 copies were made, one of which fetched $10,400 at a later auction, making it one of the most expensive Atari games of all time.

Biblical Adventures

Biblical Adventures |  ClassicReload.com

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A goofy NES game that’s mostly about picking up things and putting them down. You could be Noah picking up animals to put them in the ark, Miriam picking up Moses to take him into the Red Sea, or David picking up his sheep to protect them from wild animals. It’s not ring great fun and the game has gained an infamous reputation online, but it’s surprisingly charming once you get into the groove.

Super Noah’s Ark 3D

Save 65% on Super 3-D Noah's Ark on Steam

One of the weirdest games ever released by Super Nintendo. In fact, Super Nintendo didn’t even technically release it. It’s the only unlicensed game released for Super NES in the country, and that’s not even the weirdest thing about it. He refits the Wolfenstein 3D game engine but, instead of blowing up nazis, you shoot food at the animals in the ark to put them to sleep.

I am jesus christ

Answering Six Big Questions About I Am Jesus Christ - Game Informer

What would Jesus do? You make the call. An absolutely wild open-world game where you play out the ministry of Jesus Christ in first person, all the way through his crucifixion and resurrection. You can perform miracles like healing the sick, casting out demons, and even helping fishermen. It’s actually quite soothing.

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